If you’re thinking about falling in love with a public school teacher, please listen to this song carefully. You’re not just falling in love with the person; you are also joining their very stressful job. As a side note: the summers are great, at least until August 1st.
lyrics
PUBLIC SCHOOL WIDOWER
We love our wives, don’t get us wrong,
But we felt the need to write this song
Because of the unfortunate feature
That we got it bad, we’re hot for teacher
Years ago, we behaved like fools
and married girls, who teach in public schools
She has no time, to show me her love
cuz of assessment goals, and learning outcomes
The house is quiet and my heart is lonely
She’s thinking of her students only
It’s like living alone and I sure do miss her
I’m a public school widower
June and July are great for sure
But on August first she’s moving classroom furniture
And hanging posters of policies
For some stranger’s kids are her priority
The bounds of our love remain unknown
Hey teacher leave those kids alone
Leave behind the testing tension
And bring us back your undivided attention
(Chorus)
She gets home from school at 6PM,
By 8 she’s passed out from exhaustion
She dreams of paper, pencils and books
And terrorizing kids with dirty looks
Then long before the sun will rise
She wakes in a panic and starts to cry
She’s off to her desk to assess and grade
And weekly lesson plans need to be made
Occasionally I get a letter from her school thanking me for my sacrifice. They say they know that it’s difficult to be married to a teacher. Yeah whatever, the letter’s a nice gesture, I suppose, but if they really valued my sacrifice, if they really valued my wife’s quality of life, they could ask less of her instead of giving her more and more work to do every damn year, and while I’m on the topic, how about paying her more and the administration less? You know what? Screw your letter and screw your school. Give me my wife back.
(Chorus)
credits
from Lamentations,
released March 20, 2018
Music and lyrics by Michael Homan and Bart Everson
We're a rock band based in Bulbancha. You might call it New Orleans. Sometimes we do songs about cemetery picnics or the mythology of ancient Babylon. We're Half Pagan.
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